Entry: Current Issues *blah* Tuesday, November 25, 2003

I don't know what the hell is going on with me, well actually... I do.  You see, the past 2 months of my life have twisted and turned me in a million different directions.  A month ago, I found out that my Grandma has terminal cancer.  Now you would think that at 84 years old, I would understand how wonderful her life has been, and that it's okay to let her go.  But I don't want to.  I never want to let go of her.  In my life, there have always only been a few select people who I feel I can really trust.  A few select people who I honestly don't think ever judge me based on the person I have become.  A few select people that I can openly confide in without a worry in the world.  My Grandma is, was, and always has been one of those people.  I remember when my Grandpa died in '97, I didn't think my Grandma would ever be the same person.  Once I grew up and matured, I realized it made her an even stronger person.  I never looked at her and thought I would ever not have her in my life.  What will I do when she passes away?  How will I handle it?  Most importantly, how is my mom going to handle it?  She's so close to her mom, much like I am to her.  I can't imagine EVER losing my mom, even thinking about it makes my stomach turn and the anxiety begins to set in.  Blah, anyways!!  So I'm spending as much time with my Grandma as I possibly can, and I am thanking God that I even have the chance to do so.  When my Grandpa died, it was sudden and unexpected.... and I didn't get to say goodbye.  My little problems probably seem really trivial to some, but my family is my world!  Stupid damn cancer!!!


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